Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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