So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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