It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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