I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I had to cum in my sink.
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