we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I love you.
Bad choice
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