Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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