another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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