i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize