He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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