omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
