did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize