After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
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It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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