I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize