The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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