my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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