Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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