I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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