True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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