You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize