i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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