Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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