I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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