i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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