Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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