next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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