i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this beer tastes like vomit already
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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