Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize