I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
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I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize