Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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