he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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