Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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