i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You are a booty call, not a friend.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
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This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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