You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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