He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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