He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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