the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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