As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
sex in a hospital.. check
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize