The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
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The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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