Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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