it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
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And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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