I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
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He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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