Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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