I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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