Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize