benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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