I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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