He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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