I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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