my soul wont recognize me after tonight
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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