i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
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I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you never un-have a 4some
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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