I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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